Mostly About Breast Pumps

It's been a while.  The stuff that has to get done peripheral to a home remodeling project really gets in the way of writing time.
In the past week or so, amongst other things, we finished birthing class.  We got a little cardboard diploma that lasted for about two days until Kate threw it away.
My weight lifting partner Nate, who has a three year old daughter, suggested framing it, so that when the kid starts questioning our parenting decisions (should happen about a week after he learns to talk) we can whip out our parenting class diploma to endorse our assertion that we're trained parents, dammit. 
That's one of the more unique takes on "because I said so." I've encountered.
Kate threw the thing away before I could mention it to her, so I guess we'll have to stick with "because I said so."
The last class was all about breast feeding, and what to expect from doing it, and why it's a good idea, and all the neat stuff that we can buy in order to assist with it.
Going into this whole thing, we've been pretty acutely aware of the Baby Industrial Complex and the ways that it has to separate us from our money in a variety of questionably ethical (at best) ways, but the range of products available for breastfeeding is truly astounding.
We're all in favor of breast feeding.
Kate really wants to do it, though I don't know how confident she is in her ability to do it.  In any case, we didn't need to be sold on the benefits of it.
I'm not certain that we needed to be sold silicon pasties either.  Not that the nurse teaching this class did a hard sell, she didn't, but the fact that there's an entire industry devoted to varying products that exist solely to promote nipple comfort is interesting to me.
They really sell silicon pasties, by the way.  I'm not making that up.
They don't have tassles.
I was head of security for a while at a nightclub in Madison that used to have burlesque shows every so often.  I always ended up working the door to the performer's dressing room.  When assigning security posts for a burlesque show it's generally best for everyone involved that the married bouncer in his late thirties be the one making sure nobody who's not authorized to do so go into the performer's dressing rooms.  Including himself and the other bouncers.
Only relevant to explain why I know what pasties are.
I wonder if those women would have liked the silicon pasties.
Kate hasn't bought any silicon pasties that I'm aware of, but that's something that she might not actually tell me about.
We also had a lengthy conversation about pumps.  That was good, because Kate's likely going to have to pump, which means that we'll need to buy a pump.  The hospital gets all it's pumps from one supplier, and uses them to teach the classes and I guess to get milk when they need it.
Thankfully, there was no hands on pump practice in the class.
There was one interesting conversation on the topic of used pumps.  The manufacturer doesn't recommend them.  A few women in the class are planning to use pumps that they got from relatives that didn't need them any more, so the question came up.  The teacher, who had been excellent up to this point, was very definitive on this subject.  Used pumps are bad.  Everyone should purchase a new pump.  The manufacturer says so.
I jumped into the conversation at this point...
Mark:  Is there any independent research that shows that using a pump that someone else has used is dangerous?
Teacher:  The company says that the milk could be contaminated by bacteria in the motor if you use a used pump.
Mark:  I get that the manufacturer says that, is there any independent verification that using a used pump motor is risky?
Teacher:  The company says that the milk could be contaminated by bacteria in the motor if you use a used pump.
Mark:  So the company that makes and sells the thing has gone on record as preferring that everyone buy a new one rather than use someone else's, right?  Does anyone not selling them say that?
Teacher:  Oh.  I see what you mean.  Well, using a used one is, you know, gross. (shudders disgustedly).

I let it go.  The fact is that we don't know anyone that has one that they'd let us use anyways.  We'll have to buy a new one.  They sell them at Target (of course).  I've not seen one at Home Depot (just checking...)
I was kind of surprised that the teacher of this class, who'd been pretty down-to-earth up until the breast pump discussion, went all middle school on the subject of used breast pumps, but we all have our hang ups.  I can't sit next to someone eating a banana, who am I to judge?

The technology is impressive.  If we want to go high-end we can buy a hands free double pump.  Yep, Kate could pump both sides simultaneously without the need to engage either hand except at the beginning and the end of the pumping operation.  That means she can multi-task. 
She can pump and neuter a dog at the same time.

The pumps themselves sort of look like the machine in the film The Princess Bride.  The one that Westley is hooked up to by the Prince and Count Rugen. 
It sucks life (inconceivable!).

I might be letting my imagination get a bit away from me on this one, but it does look like that.

Kate got to experience one of my favorite American Medical Phenomena today...
The Secret Moving Target.
Everything's fine.
But today she was told that she needs to slow down her weight gain. 
She was also told that the target weight gain is way less than we thought it was.
Last appointment we were told that aspect of things was fine.
So, either some ground breaking new research was released sometime in the last month and flew completely under the radar (not fucking likely)
Or...
The doc's not paying as much attention to something as much as she probably should.
Kate looks fantastic by the way.  Definitely pregnant, but still really good.
Now she's having weight gain anxiety, which was inevitable, I guess, but unnecessary, especially like this.
Thanks doc.
'preciate that one.